Wisdom and Experience

I have a little pocketful of “big dreams” (night-time dreams, “big” in the Jungian sense) that I pull from occasionally to savor as unwavering symbols of my life purpose. Much less often I add a new one, as I did the other night. In the dream I was working with a group in which each of us contributed in a way central to our beings, with great energy and joy. I had no sense of “too much” or “too little”, of doubt or hesitation, competition or bluster or apology. It was as if all the layering of my earthly experience had come to fruition and found its proper meaning and context. Furthermore, my colleagues and I were painting all of our lists and notes and inspirations in glowing watercolors and wearing vibrantly colored clothing. I awoke thinking, “This is for the future, maybe even a future incarnation.”

This layering of important dream signals, or of life experiences, is strange, because unpacking them into biography is not necessarily an orderly process, one experience building neatly on the one before. My memory may loop around to present a crystalline childhood dream that now fits with a worry my 5-year-old grandson has. Or experiences from different time periods may flow into a distinctive pattern. I find this also happening in Barbara’s book (now nearing completion); the storyline is basically chronological, yet it blends lifetime experiences and patterns with layers of complexity: a story begins in one decade, goes back to sleep, and then resurfaces to stitch itself into a major life theme.

To do the work Barbara has been called to do (that is, relating in an open, unapologetic way with and about angels, gnomes, and nature spirits) requires clarity of purpose and the courage that comes with disciplined attention and experimentation with other realities. This book is her way of doing the accumulative tracking of themes—a back and forth process that is giving her purposeful momentum for the future.

One of these themes I have been thinking about traces character traits I respect and strive for: a reliable open mindedness, a willingness to ask questions rather than judging, and an attitude of research that gives her permission to follow her own understandings and beliefs as they have developed. As a result, she is anchored in her own center yet is not rigid or dogmatic about it.

Barbara grew up as an only child with three adults who were very different from one another. “My mother,” Barbara writes, “was strong and practical and took the lead in the family. She had grown up on a small farm next door to her grandmother who owned the land. Her goal was to become a business woman and have enough money to be comfortable. She also wanted to be a mother and decided that having one child would not interfere with her desire to be a business woman. She saved money to buy a four-family flat in the heart of Los Angeles. Upstairs our home was on one side and the office was set up on the other. The two downstairs apartments brought in enough money to pay the mortgage with a little extra. My father, more fun-loving and jovial than Mother, was also focused on being successful in business. He would have preferred a son rather than a daughter as his only child. Miss Quinn, the live-in housekeeper, was nun-like and silent. She sat in her room most of the day, coming into the family home for dinner and to do the dishes. Her job was to be present with me when business called Mom and Dad out at night to make house calls and sales. They were all focused on their own goal, and I learned to dance among their personalities.”

“Many years later, Spirit, in an inner process of teaching me who I am and where I came from, would drop into my mind little rhymes or phrases that held enormous truth and revelation in a humorous, light-hearted way. Two such insights I remember just popping into my head while I was out in nature, walking on the land: ‘Deedle dum, deedle dee, Daddy wanted a boy, but what he got was me’ and ‘You were an exuberant child raised in a household of repressed adults.’ I was intrigued and for the first time realized the truth of the situation. My only emotional response was ‘Wow, that is really true!’ I put the new knowledge into a file of awareness—no trauma attached, just appreciation for insights that brought me knowledge of myself I had never thought of before.”

Going back to her college days and first job, Barbara writes: “Jim and I met at UCLA at a fraternity-sorority exchange. I was dancing and noticed him standing along the wall. I knew he would ask me to dance, and soon he tapped my partner on the shoulder and I stepped into his arms. We immediately became life partners. After I graduated he still had two years of eligibility as a football player, and while he finished I worked for Beechnut Baby Food until we were married in 1951. My job focused on talking with mothers and doctors, which improved my skill of making conversation. I devised my own question-of-the-month for the doctors and in time observed that half of them would answer my question one way and the other half would answer it quite differently. This disagreement among the experts helped me learn to follow my own inclinations.”

“I realize now that beings on the Council of Gnomes have always been aware of what was going on in my life. They have given me promptings (such as ‘Heed the signs along the highway’), dreams, and intuitions to guide my thinking. It has always been my choice to heed these signs and change my course of action, or to plow through on my own and learn from experience. I was free to learn by wisdom or by experience.”

“I see this learning as one more way I was being guided to people who were working consciously with the nonphysical intelligence of nature. My human teachers have often been friends who possessed knowledge that I was seeking and was ready for. Typically I would have two primary friends I was learning from spiritually. They would totally disagree with each other, and I could see the truth in what each one shared. This happened over and over, and I think it served to open my mind and heart to the multi-dimensionality in which Spirit works. In this way I was encouraged to find my own path, and I took to using oracles and divination practices to guide me along the way.”

“I see, in retrospect, that certain experiences during these awakening years were particularly significant in moving me toward my future tasks. At the time I wondered about them and held them in my heart, with the prayer that someday I would understand with inner certainty that ‘everything works together for the good for those who love God.’ It is very gratifying to look back and see clearly how one step led to the next in guiding me to my current place of confidence, dedication, wonder, magic, and service.”